Dad, Stop Worrying So Much about Keeping Your Kids Safe

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Let's take a look at some of the newer safety products being marketing to parents, starting with baby knee pads.

Yes, knee pads. Exactly what you'd want your 9-month- old to wear if he was drafted to play pro hockey. Except that these pads -- "the cushiest, comfiest knee pads ever," according to the One Step Ahead catalog - are for crawling. "These medical-grade neoprene knee guards give little crawlers unparalleled protection, while slip-proof ‘traction beads' guard against skidding."

Skidding? Like your baby is going to go around the corner so fast, sparks will shoot out her Huggies? What kind of fools do they take us for, that we'd be worried about this time-honored stage of babyhood? Knees were made for crawling. And yet, look what one mom wrote on the One Step Ahead website, under the baby knee pads "Product review."

"Sometimes my daughter has problems going from carpeting to the wood and marble floors. It helps her with traction to keep form spinning out. Unfortunately, she did not like the feel on her legs and refused to wear them."

Score one for the baby! But that mama - she really worries about her daughter "spinning out." And other parents writing to the site are just as sold.

 

 

 

Another product you see advertised in parenting magazines lately is the "Thudguard" - a helmet to protect your child while engaged in that extreme sport known as toddling.

"It's about time that someone has addressed the diffuse head injuries that are...on the rise for toddlers learning to walk," wrote one doctor in an endorsement of the product.

Oh really? On the rise? Because suddenly evolution made a U-turn and now children are careening into walls and tables like never before?

And even if babies do bump and bumble, are they really in danger of sustaining serious "head trauma," as claims the ad for this $39 helmet?

Let's ask the vice chairman of pediatrics at the St. Louis Children's Hospital, Dr. F. Sessions Cole. His is one of the five largest children's hospitals in the country. "We see 65,000 to 70,000 patients a year," says Dr. Cole. "How many are associated with significant head trauma that resulted from instability as toddlers learned to walk?" he asks.

None.

 

 

At the Babies R Us near me, there's an entire room devoted to child safety devices: Unsurprising stuff like cabinet locks and electrical outlet covers. Ridiculous stuff like easy-to-grip baby soap. (Good in baby prison, I guess.) And then there's a whole display of mirrors that allow you to watch your baby in the backseat as you drive. "Why do you need one of these?" I asked a dad reaching for one.

"To see if the baby's okay," he shrugged.

I suppose I knew he'd say that. But what we're talking about here is a parent checking up, while driving, on a child who is already strapped snugly into a federally approved car seat. A child strapped in there with a five-point belting system specifically to be "okay." It's really hard to imagine how the child would not be okay and besides, if he was fussy, you'd hear him. Then, at a stoplight, you could turn your head and look at him.

But now, with about 10 different car mirrors to choose from, it starts to feel as if good parents DO have to check on their car-seat baby even more often. Like, even while they're driving - which is dangerous!

Here's one last example of a safety product that we don't need, and how it undermines our own good sense: The heat sensitive bath mat.

This is a mat you put in the bottom of the tub. Turn the water on and if the words, "TOO HOT!" magically appear in a bubble near the duckie's head, you know that the water is, indeed, TOO HOT! Because who can trust her own wrists anymore?

Oh wait a sec. We all can. Dip a wrist in the water and you yourself can tell if that water is warm, cold, or boiling hot. (Key word: YEOW!) So why on earth is there not only this bath mat for sale, but also a competing turtle you can put in your tub that will indicate, "TOO HOT!" too? (Not a real turtle who would indicate that by turning into soup.)

 

 

Why? Same reason you can buy a blanket with a head board built into it, in case you want to hold your baby but are worried about breaking his neck. Forget the fact you have an arm built for that job.

Same reason you can buy a harness to hold up your kid while she learns to walk. Forget the fact you could hold up yourself, or even let her fall. She's got a bottom built for that job.

In fact, forget the fact that human children are pretty sturdy and parents are pretty competent. We have entered an era that says you cannot trust yourself. Trust a product instead.

TIPS FOR GOING FREE RANGE:

FREE RANGE BABYSTEP: Walk through the baby safety department of a store with your oldest living relative asking, "Which of these things did you need?"

FREE RANGE BRAVE STEP: Your choice: Try a day without baby videos, or a day without table bumpers. See if your child has learned something new (perhaps the hard way) by day's end.

If your children are older, try this trick from a Pakistani housepainter: Every week, run out of one thing. Orange juice, cereal - whatever. It's a way to get kids used to not always having exactly what they want exactly when they want it.

ONE GIANT LEAP FOR FREE RANGE KIND: If your children are age 10 or older, let them fend for themselves (or play!) one afternoon a week.