Daddy Discipline

Of course, there are no special rules for "daddy discipline". Discipline strategies work regardless of the gender of the parent. But sometimes there are advantages to having a deep voice or to being the parent who is not home all day. The foundation for effective discipline will forever and always remain the same.

Mean what you say. Say things once and never more than twice. Be prepared to "act on your message". That is, for young children, be prepared to get up and remove them from the situation. For older children, be prepared to reinforce your message by waiting for compliance or by explaining the consequence of noncompliance.

Say what you mean. Keep your messages simple and direct by focusing on the behavior that you want to see. State your expectations in the positive by changing "no's" into "do's". Very often young children never hear the "don'ts". They only hear "blah blah blah stand on the table". Older children learn quickly to tune out the barrage of negatives and miss the point completely.

Stay three steps ahead of the situation. We, as adults, can always be ready for anything children do. The trick is to know where children will sabotage our efforts. They sabotage us when we are rushing, when we are preoccupied with our adult agenda, or when we're looking for an easy way out. The best discipline is planned in advance, when we are not emotionally involved in the moment.

If your child is "testing", shut it done quickly. Most times, children find themselves in difficult situations because they lack the ability to make good choices or they do not have the social/emotional skills for self control. However, there are times when your child just wants to check if today's boundaries are the same as yesterday's. This is, in no way, a personal affront to your authority, though it definitely looks like it. It is, instead, your child's job! Becoming a person requires an emotional push and pull with the people you love and trust the most - which just happens to be you. Now it's your job to set clear limits.

Keep your sense of humor. Discipline is not what you do when there's a problem. Discipline is what you do from the time your child wakes up to the time your child goes to sleep. You know the secret to great parenting is in your personal relationship with your child and in the quirkiness of what it means to be in your family. Enjoy yourself. Enjoy your child. If it's not fun at the moment, work on changing what's not working but don't lose site of what really matters.

Wait till Daddy gets home. Daddy's arrival is something wonderful not a dread-filled threat. Dad cannot be the lone discipline "enforcer". Discipline issues must be handled in the moment for maximum effectiveness. Some issues do need to be discussed by both parents. It's okay to say, "I'm not happy with the report that I received from your teacher today. I want your dad to be involved in this and we can all talk about it later." It's not okay to portray one parent as powerless.

Fun-Parent is not enough. Parents must balance all of their parenting roles: playful optimist, hopeful teacher, trustworthy confidant, dependable guide, resourceful ally, and fun-loving companion. If you feel yourself slipping into a one-dimensional role, rebalance quickly. You are your children's role models for adulthood. Claim your rightful authority to set rules and your children will have the opportunity to claim appropriate power in their lives. They will grow-up with self-control and the ability to make a valuable contribution to the world.

Make it Just-Right Discipline. Discipline is an on-going process that is constantly shifting to keep up with new ages and stages in development. Unfortunately for those adults who like a universal action plan, discipline must be custom-fit to each child, and sometimes to each situation. Parents must redefine how they teach according to what their children need to learn. And so, the best "daddy discipline" comes right out the story of The Three Bears - it shouldn't be too soft and it shouldn't be too hard. With practice, it will be "just right"!

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