How To "Get Along" With Your Teen

When attempting to have fun with your youngster, several simple rules must be respected:

Keep things positive. When you're out horsing around together, you are not allowed to discuss anything difficult or controversial. In other words, the long list of all the things you want your child to change about himself or herself must be temporarily abandoned.
Imagine that you and your 15-year-old son are fishing. You are slowly floating down the river after having caught a few, enjoying the sun and the gentle rocking of the boat in the water. The fish remind you that you're hungry, so you mentally check your pockets for lunch money. There's enough-you're a good provider. Will your son be? Not if he keeps performing like he did on that last science test. You'll set him straight. So you blurt out, "I still can't believe you got a D on that biology exam." The fun is over.

One-on-one is better. Don't even think about taking the whole family along if you're going out with your adolescent for some fun. It's much easier to get along with someone when there are fewer people to complicate the situation. Also, parents of adolescents report frequently that one of their biggest problems is sibling rivalry, and you won't have any fun if you are constantly having to keep two kids off each other's back.

Many teenagers have a nasty habit of not wanting to go out with the family because it isn't cool to be seen like that by your friends. (I know of one 13-year-old girl who always sat in the back seat, and then hit the floor whenever she thought she saw someone she knew.) Don't be offended, this orientation is perfectly natural. Going out with only one parent, however, may be a little more tolerable for an adolescent.

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