Two Big Mistakes Dads Make When Disciplining Kids

What are the biggest mistakes dads make when disciplining their children? There are two: 1) too much talking and 2) too much emotion. Talking too much-which is what tends to happen when dads think of their kids as "little adults"-seldom works, and it is apt to take you through what I call the Talk-Persuade-Argue-Yell-Hit Syndrome. Ironically, too much talking and too much explaining make kids less likely to cooperate because these things distract him from your message.

Why is too much emotion destructive? Aren't you supposed to "let it all hang out" and show your feelings? To "express yourself and don't keep it all inside?" Well, half of this is good advice and half is not. 

The good half is this: If you are feeling positively toward a child, by all means let it show. Express your affection. You are not going to do anything harmful and you will do some good.

The bad half of this advice applies to times when you are irritated or angry with your child. Letting it all hang out at these moments can be a problem, because when we dads are mad we often do the wrong thing. Angry fathers can yell, scream, belittle and nag; these things are destructive enough even if you never raise your hand against your child. Uncontrolled expression of parental aggravation is never a good idea.

There's another reason why too much emotion can interfere with effective parenting. Let me give you a little background. Children feel inferior to adults and older children. Why? Because they are inferior. They are smaller, less privileged, less knowledgeable, less skilled, and less of just about everything than their parents. This "sense of  "lessness" bugs them. So they look for ways to make some mark on the world.

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