How To Keep Love Alive After Baby

Before you and your wife had kids, the sex was pretty good--and reasonably frequent. But now that there's a child (or children) in the picture, you just can't seem to get any physical attention. Your wife just doesn't seem to have time for sex (or maybe interest in it). You're feeling frustrated-and increasingly angry with your wife for holding out.

Does that pretty much sum up your situation? If so, you may already have discovered that criticizing her or complaining about the situation is unlikely to make things any better. Odds are, she is well aware that you feel neglected, and hearing nasty or pathetic comments from you is likely only to deepen her sense of alienation, and yours. To really change things up for the better, you have to change your behavior. Here are seven things to try. Think of your efforts as an adventure, and try to bring a sense of openness and curiosity to it. If you have a chip on your shoulder going in, try to lose it now.

1. Tell her you miss having sex with her. Yes, she probably already knows that you do. But on the off chance that she doesn't, it's a good idea to tell her. Lots of guys assume that their wives intuit that the lack of sex is bothering them. Don't be one of them.

2. Change the way you speak. If you're typically soft-spoken, try to communicate with a little more vigor. If you tend express your needs and wants forcefully, try toning things down a bit. The goal here is to capture her attention, to let her know that you feel ignored.

3. Pay her compliments. Maybe you're not feeling much gratitude toward your wife or what she does for you. But try to find something. The way she looks? Her cooking? The way she takes such good care of your child? Tell her! Hearing your expression of gratitude will encourage her to feel more appreciative of what you bring to the relationship. Track the number of times you compliment your wife. You should have at least five entries a week.

4. Find out what she feels is missing in her day. Most women acknowledge a craving to be understood and listened to. So ask her what she's missing, and take time to address one or two of the things she mentions. This should start an honest dialog about sex, giving you the opportunity to bring up your points without making her feel that her needs are being ignored.

5. Pick up on her casual mention of something she is craves but may not expect to have or experience. Say your wife hears a song on the radio and says, "I love the way he sings." Get a CD (or download) of the song, pour her something nice to drink, sit her down in the living room, and invite her to, "Relax and let's listen together." If you're not in the habit of enjoying music together, this can be a sweet pattern-changer for you both. What actor or directors' movies does she enjoy but not get to see much? Talk about this casually, and file away her responses. Follow up and get a DVD that you can enjoy together. You can create a similar scenario by following up on any of the desires she expresses. How about a day at a local spa? Groupon.com offers deep discounts on massages and other spa treatments. Put the coupon you purchase in a pretty envelope, and present it as a gift.

6. Be more helpful around the house. When was the last time you mopped the kitchen floor? Or cleaned out the refrigerator? Do you ever make arrangements for baby-sitting? Or if the child(ren) are old enough, do you sometimes take a turn in arranging play-dates? I have heard women swear that such gestures, especially if they are outside your normal routine, constitute a powerful aphrodisiac.

7. Change your underwear. If you wear cotton boxers, try silk briefs. If your drawer is full of whities, buy something colorful. The idea is to get her to notice the part of your anatomy that you want her to notice. You might try cologne, some new silk sheets, etc. Think playful. You might have to step out of your comfort zone. Ever visit a sex shop? If not, you may find something steamy there to arouse her carnal appetite.

Try all of the strategies. Be creative. Enjoy giving yourself license to do things differently. Who knows, the next time you have sex with your wife it may feel not only good but contain a spark of pattern-breaking newness that makes it all the more exciting for both of you!

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custom essay
Posts: 2

Reply #2 on : Thu June 10, 2010, 07:57:13

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Very interesting to read about it, but it's very difficult to realize that situation in real...

Peter Sticha
Posts: 2

Reply #1 on : Thu March 18, 2010, 14:38:11

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I will have to try those things. I have noticed as well that you kinda need her to run the show for the first 3-6 months after the birth. She has to be comfortable and have no pain for her to be interested.